Some days ago, A friend of mine was on a phone call with his father.
He was through with school but yet to get a job
He had called his father to request money for upkeep,
The father tried explaining to him that he hasn’t been paid salary so has no money at hand or anywhere.
My friend became angry and lost his temper, he wouldn’t hear any of that.
He scolded his father for being “negligent” of his son and tasked him to send him some money in the next couple of days if he didn’t want to hear that his son had done something desperate as result of frustration and lack.
The threat of my friend seemed really to sink into the father’s psyche because the father could only apologise in a panicky tone like a cornered mouse and made him a promise to send something to him in the shortest possible time even if he has to borrow.
He was a victim of his boundless love for his son and the son knew it too well and held him at ransom.
My friend would abruptly end the call without an endearing remark or a request to extend regards to anyone.
He didn’t have the patience for that. A hungry man lacks any patience.
When he was through, I requested to know why he nurtured such a deep sense of entitlement and belief that his father is forever indebted to him.
My friend gave me a few reasons which on a close assessment, seems somewhat convincing.
He said to me “Kelvin, I neither asked to be born nor did I opt to be his son. He brought me to this world and he should take responsibility for me until I can stand firmly on my own two feet. That is why he is my father and he could simply have aborted me if he knew he wasn’t prepared for the outcome of his action and I plan to go the length for my own child too when I have”
I was impressed by his frankness and only advised him to be considerate even as he is determined to exercise his right.
One of the cardinal challenges of Nigeria as a nation is the custom of indiscriminate conception void of any will to take total responsibility.
Some might argue that this practise is exclusive to the Hausa and Fulani people up north but anyone with a fair knowledge of the reality will clearly observe that the story isn’t true.
Virtually every tribe in Nigeria if not the continent of Africa is party to polygamous unions the result which is a string of multiple births and a diminished sense of responsibility on the part of the father due to a grossly divided attention and inadequacy of funds for provision.
If the world at large would learn to see parenthood through the prism of my friend’s eyes and acknowledge the implication of bringing another human being into this cruel world were nobody likes you by default, and everyone would rather satisfy their own interest before they pay any mind to the next man.
If every man would imbibe the idea that the welfare of a child that comes out of your loins should be atop your priority than your own welfare, support them with all you have as long as you live and ensure they are responsible and responsive citizens to their nation, if people will come to accept that even when you’re 90yrs and your child is 60yrs, if that child needs your help in any area and you capable of assisting them, then you have no excuse to allow for lapses in responsibility.
Age is never a barrier as long as your child isn’t up and doing especially in the area of finance.
This is not to say that you have to become a slave the children you bear or give up living your own life just because you wanted to have children, but I hope people will learn to accept their own child like a highly advanced upgraded of yourself that requires more services charges, operational cost and maintenance fee and which is non disposable once it has been ordered and delivery is made.
Having children is not an investment. It the peak of selfless sacrifice and so your child owes nothing to you. Instead you owe them everything.. If you hate the idea, then don’t have them at all. This is why everyone must embrace contraception and family planning. The lack of a child has never killed anyone I know of..
Hassino Kelvin Saliu
Feel free to comment your own opinion.